What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?
"Dam."

What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Polaroids.

How do you get holy water?
Boil the hell out of it.

What do the letters D.N.A. stand for?
National Dyslexic Association.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.

What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a
tree would kill you?
A pool table.

Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book?
They all have phones.

Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
They're trying to get away from the noise.

What do you get when you cross a pit bull with a collie?
A dog that runs for help ... after it bites your leg off.

What does it mean when the flag is at half mast at the post office?
They're hiring.