Jokes and Other Funny Stuff - page 19 of 28 PREVIOUS | INDEX | NEXT

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and
stranding them at strategic locations.

2. Get boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when
they don't realize it.

3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals
throughout the day.

4. Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs
together and practically yell at him "Where are your tampons?".

5. Try on bras over top of your clothes.

6. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the

7. While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible
"I smell sex and candy"

8. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone,"I think
we've got a Code 3 in housewares," and see what happens.

9. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and
turn the volumes to "10."

10. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

11. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

12. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other

13. Put M&M's on layaway.

14. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.

15. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only
invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.

16. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray
air fresheners.

17. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.

18. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why
won't you people just leave me alone?"

19. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror
while you pick your nose.

20. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale
battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.

21. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

22. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the
clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.

23. Switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the restrooms.

24. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission

25. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.

26. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various

27. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say
things like "pick me! pick me!"  and scare them into believing
that the clothes are talking to them.

28. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal
position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"

29. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.

30. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If
the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't
get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

31. Go into the dressing room and yell real loud...Hey, we're out of
toliet paper in here!
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